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| The kind of self-love I(and all humanity) struggle with does not truly have my best interest in mind. It says, "I'll do what I think is best, regardless of whether or not it truly is." This is not truly loving yourself. Which leads one to ask, "What does healthy self-esteem look like?" and, "Where's the line between loving yourself and being self-centered?" In the next few notes I'd like to take a look at what the scriptures say about who we who are in Christ are and how we should love.
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." - Rom 12:3
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9
Let us get one thing straight: God is God and man is man. At any point where we take the glory that is due to God, consider our plans or ideas better than his, or even consider ourselves capable of doing on our own what we can only do by His grace, we rebel and set ourselves up as idols.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." - Philippians 2:5-7
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
In these two passages we can see both the lowliness and height of our position. Our attitude should be that of a servant. Yet whose servants are we? We are servants of the Most High! We are created by Him, custom made for the work He has for us to do. And our work is not trivial or menial any more than climbing Everest is a small task.
"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." - John 15:15
"...Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." - Romans 8:14-15
"It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption." - 1 Corinthians 1:30
"But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation." - Colossians 1:22
And now we see that our position before God is like that of friends and children. Our position before God is just like that of His Son. Because of His work on the cross, He put His righteous on us, and now we share in that righteousness! So when God looks at someone redeemed by the Son, he doesn't see them as a sinful mess, or even a work in progress, but as righteous and perfect! Still not sure? Look at this:
"Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." - Hebrews 10:14
It says, "He has made perfect..." So we who are in the process of becoming holy are already perfect in His eyes. This is so because He looks at us from an eternal perspective, not as we do by our temporary perspective.
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| I know it's late and I haven't updated in a while, but I need to get this out. My life is not about me, nor has it ever been, will be, or should be. Yet throughout the day I'm most of what I think about: What should I have for breakfast? What should I do to entertain myself? I think I'll just make a couple of decisions based solely on whatever I feel like right now, I'm hungry, I'm tired, I don't feel like listening, I'm in a hurry, I don't like the way they said that....
...Wait...
What am I all about again? Oh, well me of course(or so the reply is shouted loud from almost every action). The roles are reversed, and my thoughts, actions, and words run wild while my heart is taken captive and kept in check. In the moments it gets a word in edge-wise, my nostalgic heart calls back to me a tale of the life I was so fond of... the living dead, my flesh zombie, nailed on a cross where it could not eat my brain[, heart, soul, and strength]. And I remember(as if it were, but in reality only started) what it was like to be madly in love with Jesus. What makes the difference so painfully obvious is that I can hardly remember to do things out of love: My parents ask me to do a few small things, and I almost immediately forget them. So much greater is my concern for myself that I hardly take notice of others, even when they ask for help.
My eyes are blessed to see the depravity in my imperfect, yet becoming perfect, yet perfect self when I take a good look there; to see the glory of the unseen, yet perceived, yet not with my waking eyes, yet with them; the indefinitely unknown, yet somewhat known when I gaze in His direction(which is not a direction, but a manner of looking). And because of this knowledge I rejoice. I can see my flaws and His glory at the same time, and yet somehow be unashamed. I know that my perfection has been paid for, and is now being worked out. He sees me as perfect. Because I see it happening, I believe it, even though I'm nowhere close. He keeps urging me on, and I thank him in my weak human way.
More on this later...
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| I've been back at home for two months as of today. A lot has changed since I left TM. I'm taking 17 hours of college, going to a men's cell group on Mondays, a college group on Thursdays, IHOP in Cartersville on Fridays, and church and youth group on Sundays. Still, it feels like I'm just starting to make friends. If there's one thing I miss about Teen Mania, it's the friendships. I can't tell you how much I would love to have a bunch of roomates. But no, I'm living at home with just my parents. My 18 year old brother is in boot camp for the army, so I don't even have him around anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard being back home. It's difficult to say just how I'm doing spiritually. In some ways I'm doing much better, but in other ways I'm doing much worse. Prayer has been sporadic. I feel like it takes everything in me just to stay stable. Maintaining good grades, having quiet times daily, and having meaningful conversations is the standard I still struggle to live up to. But fortunately, the Lord is faithful, and I have found new friends who encourage and pray for me. It won't be this way forever, I know. But I just wish it could not be this way right now.
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| I'm sitting in the press box of AT&T park in San Fransico wishing I had more to do. Things are going very smoothly and much quicker than they did last year. The setup looks amazing so far. I can't wait until the event gets underway. Since my last post after Houston, I've been back to campus for two weeks, to Minneapolis, Minnesota; to American Fork, Utah; Boise, Idaho; and Tulsa, Oklahoma. I got to see the HA north campus in Minnesota and see some friends that I've missed dearly. Despite the cold weather, we had a lot of fun. American Fork is Elya's hometown, where we got to spend a few days and enjoy the mountains. The ATF in Boise was awesome, although the youth pastor breakout was in a tent outside in the snow. After several days and the bus breaking down, we made it from Idaho to Tulsa. I got to hang out and talk a bit with Drew Kropff, my core advisor last year. After switching buses and a long ride, I'm now in the beautiful city of San Fransisco. In between Boise and Tulsa, our team was informed that our road manager was being asked to step down and that he was being replaced by Brian Salzman. Mr. Bushnell explained that they weren't sure just what they needed in a road manager when they hired Kurt, and that he did him a disfavor in hiring him. This is in no way due to Kurt's character. Kurt is an amazing person, and I will miss him a lot. At the same time I agree with the decision and am glad to have Mr. Salzman for a road manager. | | |
| The Houston ATF was amazing. Things were a bit different since we held the event in a church. It was only a few months old, so we tried to treat the place like it was made of glass. The stage itself was very different from what we're used to: semi-circular and carpeted, with no backstage. We completely changed up the lighting for the event. As far as my job went, it was a piece of cake. I got to use all built in sound and video, so there was hardly any set-up needed. I had the opportunity to help out with the altar call again, and it never gets old. So many came forward, so many weeping, crying out to God... And now we're back on campus for the next few weeks. We'll be helping out mostly with facilities since we don't have anything else to do for ATF. Also, I've moved out of the longhouse and into Elliot Hall, along with Jason Moberly, David Lloyd, and Julian. I just finished The Pursuit of God, And now, I'm starting Knowing God by J. I. Packer. Great book so far, I got it at a Salvation Army for $1 over Christmas break. | | |
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